(Published Online: 31st October 2007)
A Lesson About Truth-Based Relationships
From A Celebrity
I was watching an interview of the highly
successful female singer - Beyonce - some time ago in which
her gutsy venture into production of a solo album in secrecy
and (as the reporter put it) without the luxury of a "safety
net" to fall on (in event of failure) was discussed.
When asked how she felt about people
making up stories about her life and commenting on her as
a celebrity, she (among other things) said she felt lucky
to belong to a family where people (unlike what obtains for
some other stars) don't tell her everything she says or does
is "cute". She added that as a result, she has always
been sorrounded "by truth" which has helped her
remain herself.
Adults In Society And The Challenge
Of Keeping Truth-Based Relationships
Listening to Beyonce and reflecting on
what she has achieved as a member of the immensely successful
group - "Destiny's Child" - and in her subsequent
solo career, makes me certain that my belief that "sorrounding
oneself with truth in order to succeed with integrity"
is valid.
Too often in society, especially amongst
adults, duplicity, denial and outright dishonesty/insincerity
feature prominently in relationships. It is so much so that
I sometimes feel it would take only a blind person NOT to
see it!
The truth is that inside each of us is
a sixth sense, which equips us (if we develop it) to be able
to "detect" insincerity in others - to some extent.
Unfortunately, vanity, selfish interests and the need for
ego gratification, make many people close their eyes to these
obvious signs of insincerity when they see them.
I once read the following quote : "We
ask for criticism, even though what we actually want to hear
is praise". I'll take it further and say "...As
a result, when we get the criticism we ask for, we take offence
against the person(s) who is/are sincere enough to tell us
the TRUTH".
What Kinds Of Friends Do YOU Want
- And Keep?
I think I like the "Beyonce"
kind of sorrounding a lot. I want to sorround myself with
TRUTH all the time. I do not want to keep diplomatic and "anchorless
Social Chameleons" (as Daniel Goleman described them
in his book on Emotional Intelligence) in my social circle.
Does not matter if they are relatives
or friends. I want people around me who will say what they
mean and mean what they say - NO MATTER whose Ox is gored
in the process, even if it's mine! I want people around me
who will tell me what they think of my words and actions to
my face and not smile that I'm OK and then go behind my back
to complain to others!
I want people who will give me (and/or
anyone who needs it) the help or support I need UNCONDITIONALLY
and without complaining or murmurring, and who will be decent
enough to let me know when it is NOT convenient enough for
them to help/support anymore - instead of continuing to help
GRUDGINGLY. I want these things because I know they will bring
out the best in me and those I relate with.
And if I cannot find people who fit the
foregoing descriptions to be around, I would prefer to be
on my own/keep to myself!
Is It The Number Of Friends You
Have That Matters - Or The QUALITY of EACH ONE?
Incidentally, the attributes outlined
above are those I have always strived to exhibit in my relationships
with others. They are powerful qualities that I encourage
YOU to also develop (if you do not already possess them),
because you will make yourself EXTREMELY valuable and useful
in the lives of others as a result.
Let me end with this question, which
will be followed by what I consider a VERY powerful quote:
Question:
What would be the point of your claiming to have many friends/associates/relatives
etc for instance, when most (or all?) of them are not true
to you?(i.e. say one thing to your face and another when you're
not around OR they say one thing and do another etc).
Blaise Pascal probably had the above
in mind when he reportedly said the following words:
"I lay it down as a fact that
if all men knew what others say of them, there would not be
4 friends in the world".
What do you think?
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