This article is based on excerpts from
Tayo Solagbade's 113 page paper back(physical) manual - "Ten
Ways You Can Use Self-Development To Create The Future You
Want" available for purchase from either of
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“Either do wrong or feel guilty but don’t do both.
It’s too much work.” - Anonymous
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Wherever You Are, Be There!
I doubt that there is any human being
on earth that does not at one time or the other worry - even
if only a little bit. Worrying, I believe is a part of our
nature. But like all other things, we humans have the ability
to CONTROL it.
Jim Rohn once said, “Wherever you
are, be there”. A number of factors can cause a person
to worry. Examples include financial difficulties, problems
in the family or workplace etc. Sometimes we become so worried
or pre-occupied by certain things that we inadvertently let
them affect our behaviour or performance elsewhere. This is
not only avoidable, but also often potentially harmful if
not quickly checked.
Let
Me Illustrate With The Following Analogy
Let’s say Mr. A has financial problems,
which have caused - among other things - a strained relationship
between him and his wife at home (not an uncommon occurrence!).
Let’s assume his wife is a full time housewife, and
as such does not currently contribute income towards the upkeep
of the family.
When things fail to improve over time,
Mr. A begins to worry about how he will cater for the family.
So, he goes to work with this problem weighing so heavily
on his mind that the "quality" of his workplace
performance drops noticeably. His boss (Ms B) who had been
proposing to senior management that Mr. A be considered for
a promotion tries repeatedly to get him to improve, but to
no avail. When eventually Senior Management signals approval
of Ms B’s proposal regarding Mr. A, she is no longer
so sure he will be able to deliver in his present state of
mind. His performance has not improved, and she is worried
that it might do him more harm than good to get promoted to
a higher, more demanding position at this time.
In summary, Mr. A ends up losing a long
awaited opportunity for significant career advancement. This
happens because he allowed the discouraging developments in
one aspect of his life to spill over, and negatively impact
on another TOTALLY DIFFERENT aspect. What makes this more
tragic is the fact that Mr. A failed to realise that sustaining
his good workplace performance could have led to a promotion
or salary increase etc that would possibly have helped with
his financial problems! And even if it did not help his finances,
he would at least have still been rated highly by his boss
and senior colleagues.
Don't Let Your Problem Give
Birth To Babies!
Please note my emphasis on the singular:
Problem ...NOT Problems.
Keep EACH and EVERY problem you have in its place. Don't let
it sneak out through the back door and jump into other areas
of your life. Make sure it always has to ask for your permission
to do so. And like you would do with your child when trying
to stop him/her doing something wrong, be ready to ALWAYS
tell it NO, when it asks.
Problems can be very naughty, and without staying alert to
this reality about them, just ONE
of them could literally mess up your day, week or entire life!
The way I drive home this point during
my talks is this: Why should you
let the fact that you had an unpleasant experience at home
turn you into a "grouch" or incompetent person at
work? What is the point of starting off with ONE
problem (whether gigantic, big, small, tiny or even microscopic)
in your home, and letting that negatively affect your ability
to do your job and relate with people you meet when you leave
home?
Why let it spill over to other areas
of your life that could otherwise go on normally if you made
conscious effort to control yourself? Doing that does not
help you in anyway. If anything,
you actually worsen your predicament because your problem
eventually multiplies itself (i.e. gives birth to - what can
be VERY - fast-growing "babies"!) so that
you upset other people, or do other things wrong, and get
yourself even more worried!
Jim Rohn's “Wherever you are, be
there” to me, means leave that domestic problem
at home, and face your job at work squarely or be yourself
wherever else you go soon as you leave home. Do your job and
relate with others as well as you would have - or even better
than - if you did not have a problem at home. (This requires
a lot of mental discipline and effort, but you will find it
is well worth it).
When you get back home, you can then
continue trying to resolve the home front problem. That way,
you will be able to lead a normal life in all other areas
of your life and eventually, that could even help you focus
better to sort out the problem on the home front - and
vice versa. Fail to do this, and your problem will
assume multiple dimensions since you will allow it spill over
to, and negatively affect other aspects of your life. If someone
upsets you before you leave work, quickly put aside your feelings
of hurt, anger etc once you leave there, and ensure you're
FULLY yourself again by the time you get home.
What
If Someone Runs Into Your Car?(Based On A True Story)
If your car gets run into on your way
to work, or to give a lecture or attend a meeting etc, ensure
you get a grip on yourself BEFORE you arrive at the venue.
Going there with a scowl or frown on your face will not be
a new or unusual achievement. Instead, arrive there smiling
and looking at ease with yourself. Only mention what happened
maybe at the end - probably if someone sees the car and asks.
Or maybe someone asks why you were late. By the time you narrate
whatever transpired as a result of the accident, you are likely
to gain the respect of your listeners, because they will marvel
at your apparent ability to put such an experience aside and
still give a good showing at the event!
And just in case you're wondering about
the "car accident" example, I'll have you know that
this happened to me during my last few weeks as an employee
in Guinness Benin Brewery back in late 2001. What follows
is a narrative of the experience as I told it in my management
research paper on Self-Development titled "Self-Development
As A Tool For Achieving Career Advancement(A Practical Guide
Based On Experience)" which is available as a
FREE download on my website at http://www.spontaneousdevelopment.com.
Click FREE STUFF at the top right:
~~~~~~~~~~~
“Let me tell a short story to illustrate the point I
want to make here. I bought my first car only about 4 months
ago, and yet in the last 3 months since I began driving it
between Lagos and Benin City, I have had quite a number of
major car problems. There was the case of a burnt alternator
cut-out (resulting in a battery rundown around Ore in Ondo
state), which combined with major engine valves failure, to
cause me and my wife and two sons to arrive Benin City after
midnight!
Then there was a
master clutch failure on Benin-Sapele highway which took over
7 hours to resolve (by now you must know the car is “Tokunbo”
i.e. “imported second hand”!), and a serious accident
in which someone ran into me from behind and almost drove
the trunk of my car into its back seat.
The last one took
us two weeks to get the car back in shape. By that time, Nkechi
(my wife) had become quite knowledgeable about panel beating
and spray painting, having developed a rapport with the workers
from staying with them while I was away at work.
In each case, after
coming to terms with the reality of the problem, we simply
settled down and got involved with the mechanic, panel beater,
painter etc who were engaged to carry out the repair work
on the car. I would help hold the spanner, wrench, torchlight
etc - and keep asking them questions about why they were doing
what they were doing etc.
My logic
was this: If I was going to be stuck there from 1.00pm
till 10.30 p.m. (as happened with the Ore incident) watching
these guys take my engine apart and put it back again, I could
as well come away from it with some new knowledge and skills
that would prove useful tomorrow, to me - or someone else.
After all, it’s not everyday you get to "enjoy"
the luxury of having you car engine stripped down for you
to see the insides!”
----
That was the story. Now, about 10 minutes
after seeing the bashed-in "behind" of my Toyota
Carina, I was back to my usual self - cracking jokes and making
fun of the guy who had run into me - telling him how I symapthised
with him (his car was a write-off)! I later overheard one
of my wife's friends (who had stopped by upon seeing us) say
to her: "And your husband
can still laugh?!". Of course I could laugh. Fela
Anikulapo Kuti, the late Afro beat Music legend, once sang(in
his usual pidgin english) "Why
I dey laugh? I no fit cry"(translated "Why
am I laughing? I cannot cry!"). Yes, why not laugh
it off? It's happened already, so you might as well review
the damage done and decide on the next line of action. There's
nothing to be gained by dwelling on time-wasting arguments
or worrying about how it could have been avoided etc
Summary
: Control your thoughts!
Some of us have a natural tendency to worry about what "people"
say (or will say) about us. For instance someone we know (or
think?) dislikes us suddenly makes friends with one of OUR
own "friends". We immediately begin to worry that
s/he might "poison" our friend's mind against us.
I'm sure you know what I mean. In the corporate world for
instance, there is what Robert Kiyosaki called "vicious
backstabbing" that perpetually goes on between and amongst
managers, executives etc.
The fact however remains that you can
NEVER know who is going to do that to you next - or when (except
you're psychic!). As such you won't be helping yourself in
any way by worrying about it. What you CAN do is to keep doing
what you do as well as you can, and it will only be a matter
of time before you're vindicated through your work.
By then, your detractors would have been
identified and known for what they are. On the other hand,
sometimes things are not always as they seem and your fears
may actually be unfounded. Maybe what you think is happening
is not actually so! My advice is:
Control your thoughts, and steer them away from the negatives
that will cause you to worry.
A healthy level of self-esteem will enable
you permanently eliminate the influence of what others say
or do on you - whether it be good or bad.
"Be
more concerned with your character than with your reputation.
Your character is what you really are while your reputation
is merely what others think you are" - Dale
Carnegie
FINAL
WORDS: Your personal situation may differ from those
under which these ideas have so far been applied. As a result,
it is impossible to guarantee you will get the same results
I have every time. Nevertheless, I will say that EVERY SINGLE
THING I have said in this article is based on what I have
done VERY successfully from my days as a process manager in
a challenging fast-paced manufacturing workplace (before then
I was a "WCW" i.e. World Class Worrier!), right
up till this moment in my own life. It works, and I am currently
- today 25th October 2006 - reaping great benefits from having
applied this same philosophy since becoming an entrepreneur.
I repeat: IT WORKS, so USE IT!
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