(Published Online: 13th Dec. 2006)
Do You Think Your Problem Is
Worse Than Any Other Person's?
"Strength does not
come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths.
When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender,
that is strength." --Arnold Schwarzenegger
If YES, then let me start by warning
you that thinking that way is VERY likely to be a mistake.
And if you go on thinking that way, you will end up believing
that no one can help you. Funny thing about our thoughts,
when repeated long enough, is that they tend to manifest in
the physical just as we imagined them. In otherwords, by thinking(to
yourself) that there is NO solution to the problem(s) you
have for instance, you could actually end up not finding any
solution to it - no matter how much help you get!
In my language (Yoruba), we have a VERY
wise saying that goes thus: “He
that has a head has no cap, and he that has a cap has no head”.
The morale of that saying is that for each of us there will
be different strokes or experiences. Life will dish out challenges
to us according to our abilities. We must therefore learn
to avoid complaining and instead face whatever challenges
we encounter head on. That way, we will not be overwhelmed
by them. And if we hang in there long enough, we will breakthrough.
Jim Rohn wrote that even though life's
challenges will always give us reason to want to give up and/or
complain, we must avoid doing either. And as he so rightly
observes, complaining about our problems only "adds to
the downward pull of life".
I think the irony of it all, is that
just as you feel the struggles you are going through are the
worst possible, there is quite often(if you look carefully
and honestly enough) someone else who will tell you his/her
own story and make yours look like a “fairy tale”!
A True Story
Let me briefly share with you the story
of a fellow entrepreneur, who I will call Taiye, who during
one particularly tough year(as he narrated it to me) had a
barrage of bad luck thrown at him from every conceivable direction.
First he - and his family - were thrown
out by their landlady for not being able to pay rent. To earn
income to supplement the little he brought in, his pregnant
wife had to mount a stand along the roadside selling vegetables
which he grew on a piece of land someone let him use.
Then one day she took ill(while still
carrying the pregnancy), was admitted to the hospital, and
for months barely hung on to life as he struggled to pay her
mounting medical bills. Despite all these he remained focussed,
borrowed money when he could, did odd jobs and eventually
his wife recovered, the baby was born safely etc.
Looking back, he told me he never thought
he would arrive where he is today. All those setbacks occurred
at a time when business was really bad for him, making it
all the more difficult and painful to go on. It was - according
to him - like a cruel conspiracy of fateful events had been
visited on him.
Yet, he hung in there. He also pointed
out that his "hanging in there" successfully was
made “easier” NOT because he never considered
giving up, but because he had eliminated all possible sources
of retreat (sound familiar?).
Use Bad Experiences As Stepping
Stones To Succeed!(Another True Story)
I have had some nasty experiences driving
along the Benin-Ore road(with my family in the car) on three
unforgettable occasions. One time, my car stopped because
of failed engine valves, a bad alternator and a resultant
run down battery. From 1.00pm in the evening till 10.00pm
at night we were at Ore, where a team of "crack"
roadside mechanics took my engine apart and put it back together
- with me watching closely and asking questions(What I learnt
that day about car engines, serves me well today!).
After it all, we declined the offer to
take up accommodation at a rundown motel there, and resumed
our journey at 10.30 pm to get to Benin. I drove at over 150km/hr
in the hope that armed robbers(if any) on the way would be
too scared to stop us. Apart from terrible potholes we ran
into because of this, I also ended up losing a wheel cover.
While sharing this experience with a
colleague later on, I vividly recall him saying "I've
never lost a single wheel cover since I started driving along
that road." Although I did not take him up on
it, that statement immediately struck me as rather naive.
If a person measures his progress by the fact that s/he's
never had anything go wrong with his/her plans, then s/he
is in big trouble.
The only way nothing will ever go wrong
with anything you do(or plan to do) is if you never do(or
plan to do) something you have never done before! In other
words you would be risk-averse. If you are, then you will
also be success-repellent!! My personal experiences as a person
who has ALWAYS thrived(and often emerged better off) in the
midst of problems and challenging experiences tells me you
learn most, and mature faster, when you embark on intelligent
risk-taking and mistake making.
So what if you never have a setback or
nothing bad or embarrassing ever happens to you? That says
nothing to anyone really. If anything, it confirms that you
will not be remembered for anything exceptional or outstanding
either. Why? Because you would not have ventured beyond what
you believe you can pull off. That would mean you will only
be found doing those things you already know how to do - and
most people are very good at that, so it wouldn't be a great
achievement by any means.
Summary
Athletes run up hills to build leg muscles
and stamina. Running on level ground would have been "easier",
but would not push them to break new thresholds of performance.
Those who work out - to build muscles
- subscribe to the axiom "No pain. No gain" because
they know if they do not continue to INCREASE the weight of
dumb-bells they lift, their biceps/other muscles would NOT
continue to grow in size!
The same rule applies in the intellectual
realm:
"The
brain that is not used suffers atrophy"
- Thomas Edison
"The mind must be exercised
if it is to grow and strengthen. The more you use your mind,
the more it will improve your ability to think"
- Jay Anderson
James Cook, author of the best selling
book "The Startup Entrepreneur" called those bad
experiences "Shrewd Instructors". They teach hard
lessons, which inevitably equip anyone who undergoes them,
to succeed.
A person who makes a habit of taking
the short term comfort route by avoiding difficulty, adversity,
hardship etc is likely to end up also "avoiding"
long-term success, and may end up missing a chance(s) to achieve
a worthwhile existence. The following quotes sum it up quite
well. :-)
"If you would not be
forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write things worth
reading or do things worth writing." - Benjamin
Franklin
"A knowledge of the
path cannot be substituted for putting one foot in front of
the other." - M. C. Richards
So, now that you know(or have been REMINDED
of) the above BENEFITS, are you done yet with mulling over
your misfortune? You should be. It's time you went back out
there to make things happen the way you want them to!
"The world steps
aside for the man who knows where he is going"
- Abraham Lincoln 
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